The Contest
by JediFan421
Summary: When the gang decide to have a farting contest on a slow day, hilarity ensues and a surprising victor emerges.


The Contest

It was a slow day at the Galleria Mall and the gang, without a vacationing Wyatt, but including their newly arrived American friend, John, were relaxing at the Big Squeeze while Caitlin was closing shop and the gang had just finished a hearty meal. *yawn* "We need to do something" said Jonesy as the group were sitting at a table waiting for Caitlin. "Does anyone have any ideas?" "I got one but I'm not sure if everybody will like it" replied Jude. "What is it, Jude? I think at this point any idea would do" said Nikki. "Well, then how about we have…a contest? But not just any contest, a farting contest." he replied. "A farting contest, what? Is this what you guys usually do? Does that really sound…entertaining?" asked John. "Yeah, dude, it'll be awesome. Think about it. We all just ate pizza and Mexican food for like an hour so by the time we get to someone's house, we're all gonna be totally ready to fart. It'll be awesome." "Hmm…well, I'm game for just anybody so I'll do it" said Jonesy as he and Jude fist-pounded. "What about you ladies?" As Jonesy was finishing, Caitlin walked over to join them. "Hey guys, what's going on?" asked Caitlin. "Jude and Jonesy apparently want to have a farting contest" replied Jen. "What? A farting contest?" "Yeah, bra, it will be totally sweet but wickedly nasty. You'll love it" replied Jude. "Besides, it's not as if we have anything better to do." "So what do you say ladies, you in?" asked Jonesy. After a few minutes of discussion then between themselves, Nikki said, "Fine, we'll do it." "Sweet" said Jude as he and Jonesy high-fived each other. "What about you, bro?" asked Jude to John, "You game?" After quickly thinking it over, John replied, "Alright, fine. But I only have to be the judge or…whatever." "Nice, bro" said Jude as the two fist-pounded.

"Alright, so here are the rules. First of all, everyone's gotta fart at least 3 times in the first round. After elimination, there will be a second round of 3 people and a final round of 2. Next, each farter will be judged on length, smell, sound and tear factor by the other competing farter and the judge. All farting will be directly into the face so we don't waste too much time." "Wait, wait, wait, we have to fart in each others faces?" replied Nikki. "Yeah, dudette, how else are we going to get an accurate judgment? Duh!" replied Jude, as if Nikki had just questioned something totally obvious. "My bad, I just thought we were just gonna have a normal competition. _Sorr-ee_, for not being, you know…weird" she replied. "So what does the winner get?" asked Caitlin. "10 bucks from each of the losers _and_ you get to fart in each of the loser's faces whenever you like for the rest of the week, no, month to show how much better you are at farting than they are. The ultimate humiliation." "Holy crap, dude, that's awesome. I can't wait till I'll be 50 bucks richer in a few hours" said Jonesy. "Not so fast, Jonesy. I think we all know who'll be taking home those 50 bucks after today" said Jen, confidently. "Yeah, me!" replied Caitlin, earnestly. "Nah, dudes. I've been waiting for something like this for a long time now. I know I'm gonna win" said Jude. "Hey, how about instead of just arguing, we go to someone's house and just have the contest already?" replied John, now slightly annoyed at all this pointless bickering. "Alright, fine. Let's go. Whose house should we go to?" "Not ours" said Jonesy and Jen, "our brothers and parents are home." "I guess we could go to my house" said Nikki. "My parents aren't home until Monday so I have the house to myself." "Alright, it's settled. Let's head on over to Nikki's" said Jude as the teens headed out.

* * *

After everyone arrived at Nikki's, the gang immediately began to feel the effects of their lunchtime escapades as everyone was moaning and grabbing their stomachs. Soon, everyone came together in Nikki's basement as Jude made an announcement. "Alright, so here are the match ups. Jonesy vs. Nikki first followed by myself vs. Jen and Caitlin, since John is judging, you have a bye." "Nice, thanks Jude" replied Caitlin. "Alright. Now let's get started. Jonesy, would you have the honors of starting off?" "Why, I certainly would" replied Jonesy. "Oh, boy. This should be good" said Nikki as Jonesy positioned himself. With the two lying down next to each other on the floor as per Jude's instructions, Jonesy positioned his butt right on top of both of their faces. "Ooh, here…it…comes!" said Jonesy. PBBBBBBBTTTTTTT! A fart blasted out of his butt, the impact of it hitting John and Nikki square in the face. "Oh, geez! That freaking reeks!" said John as Nikki reacted somewhat, saying "Eh, that's about on par with his normal ones." "His normal ones? You've smelt them before?" asked John. "Well, we've been dating on and off for like a year now, I should know what his farts smell like" said Nikki. "Cut the chit-chat guys; what did I get?" said Jonesy, still squatting over them, waiting for his score (and his next fart). "I give it a 5 for length, an 8 for smell, a 6 for sound and an 8 for tear factor, Jesus!" said John, waving his hand in front of his face. "The same, except a 6 for tear factor. It wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be" replied Nikki. "Nice…oh, here comes another one, PBBBBBBBTT!" as Jonesy farted again. "Holy crap, I give this automatically a 9 for smell, the Mexican food must really not agree with you Jonesy, a 3 for length, a 5 for sound and a 7 for tear factor" said John. "Once again, the same" replied Nikki. "Nice, here's my last one, for now anyway. PSSSSSSSSSSSTTTTT" as Jonesy blasted out a long SBD. As Nikki and John sniffed the air, John said, "A 7 for length, a 1 for sound, an 8 for smell and a 6 for tear factor." "The same except a 0 for sound and a 6 for smell. Sorry, Jonesy but that just wasn't that good." "Whatever; you think you got what it takes to beat that? Good Luck!" said Jonesy as he helped the dazed John and unfazed Nikki up.

"Alright, nice job, dude...You're up now, Nikki" said Jude. "Alright, time to show you boys how it's done" said Nikki as she took Jonesy's former position and Jonesy took Nikki's former position. As Nikki squatted down even closer to John's and Jonesy's faces than Jonesy had been, she grabbed both her butt cheeks, slightly spread them and said "Enjoy, guys. PBBBBBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTTTTTT!" as a loud, long, bassy fart erupted from Nikki's butt. "Holy crap Nikki! 10, 8, 10 and an 8, just please, have mercy!" said John, disgustedly. Nikki just laughed though as Jonesy meanwhile smelled the fart and said "I give it a 5, a 4, a 5 and a 4. Sorry, Nikki. But it _just wasn't that good_" said Jonesy sarcastically. "C'mon Jonesy, be honest here." "Alright, I'd give it an 8, 8, 9 and 7, happy now?" "Yes, I am actually, now…take this one" said Nikki as she strained out another long fart, PPPPPPBBBBBBBBBBBTTTTT! "Woo, I give that a 7, 7, 8, and a 7, another rank fart" said John. "Thanks" replied Nikki. "Eh, I give it 6's all around. It was nice but eh." said Jonesy. "Well, how's this for eh?" said Nikki as grabbed both her butt cheeks again and blasted her third fart out. PPPPBBBBBBTTTTTTTTT! The two guys smelled the fart quickly then John said "I give an 8, 7, 6, and an 8. I'm done, next please, Jeez!" said John. "The same for me" replied Jonesy as the guys finally got up. "Alright, dudes, the first round is over and with an average score of 25 per fart, the winner is… Nikki Wong!" said Jude. "Yes, in your face Jonesy!" said Nikki, happily. "Alright, alright, calm down. I just went too easy on you, that's all." "C'mon, Jonesy, you gotta admit, Nikki blew you away with those farts. I should know; I smelled all of them" said John. "Yeah, you're right. I can't believe my own girlfriend out...farted me though." "Whatever, I know you enjoyed it, Jonesy, so let's just move on" replied Nikki. "Yeah…wait a minute-"

"Alright dudes and dudettes, the second round can now begin. Jen, would you have the honors of beginning?" "Yeah, sure, Jude...oooh!" Jen groaned as Jude and John got in position, Jude fist-pounding John as Jen squatted over the two in her white skirt. "Here…it…PPPPPPBBBBBBTTTTTTT! Ahh, that's better" said Jen as she blasted out. As the smell hit the guys directly in the face, John nearly threw up while Jude just took it all in. "Very nice, bra. I give it an 8, 7, 7 and an 8" said Jude. "Dude, you okay?" as he turned towards John. "Yeah, I'm good. 8, 8, 7, 8." "Nice, PBBBBBBBBBTTTT, oops, that one slipped out" said Jen, blushing. "It's all good, dudette; I give it a 6, 5, 6 and a 6." "Yeah, same" replied John. "Alright, a little low. Here's the…last one" said Jen as she blasted out her last one. PPPPPPPPPPPPPBBBBTTTT! "Nice, dudette; solid 7's all around" said Jude, smelling her friend's "noxious" fumes. John, meanwhile, after taking in the farts of 3 of his friends just said, "Yeah…it's the same for me too:"

"Nice, you're up now, Jude" replied Jen as she helped the guys up. As Jen now replaced Jude and Jude replaced Jen, Jude arched his back, clenched his fits and squatted right on top of Jen and John's faces. "Alright Jude, give us your best shot." "Yeah, let's see what you can really do." "Alright, prepare yourselves, dudes, FAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRTTTTT!" A massive fart (too massive to finish on paper fully) erupted from Jude as the smell hit Jen and John, sending them and even Nikki, Caitlin and Jonesy coughing and gagging. "Can we just call Jude the winner, seriously? 10's, all around" said John. "*cough* Yeah, if I could breathe, I'd give it, *cough*, 10's too" replied Jen.

"Nice dudes. I've been holding that in all morning. Now, allow me…PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPBBBBBBTTTTT" as the stench hit Jen and John in the face again. "Wow, Jude, impressive. Again, all 10's for me" said Jen. As he continued to gag from the stench, John managed to say, "10's, all around for me too." "Nice, dudes. Get ready for the last one. FAAAAAAAARRRRRTTTTTTT!" as Jude farted for a third time. As Jen and John smelled the putrid fart, they managed to both say, "10's, alright, you win Jude. Now please, GET UP!" "Heh, okay dudes. Hope you two weren't too grossed out or anything. Those farts were pretty gnarly…" replied Jude as he helped them up. "Well considering we could smell them from over here," said Jonesy "I have no idea what those two went through." "Whatever, it's all good. Those farts were pretty insane though, Jude" said John. "Yeah, dude. I guess I'm just really gassy today or something" replied Jude, smiling.

"Anyway, we have our final 3 contestants, Nikki Wong, Caitlin Cooke and I. Since there are now three of us we'll judge each others farts from now on. John, sorry, but you're done for now" said Jude. "Oh thank God" replied John as the others laughed. "Alright, so now let's take our positions people. Nikki, you'll go first followed by Caitlin and then me. Let's get started then" said Jude. "Finally, I've been holding in my farts forever" said Caitlin as she and Jude took their positions on the floor. "Alright, here it goes" said Nikki as she clenched her firsts, closed her eyes and ripped a long fart, PPPPPPPBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTTTT! As the two smelled the fart, Caitlin coughed a little while Jude just sighed happily, saying "Nice, dudette, solid 8's all around." "Yeah, same for me, nice farting Nikki" said Caitlin, giggling. "Nice, wait a second… PPPPPPPPBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTTT, ah, there we go." said Nikki, farting proudly again. Jude and Caitlin then smelled up the gas, Jude saying, "Nice, bra. Again, all 7's from me." "Yeah, I can't really complain too much either. Three 7's plus one 6 from-PPPPPPPPPPBBBBBBBTTTTT" replied Caitlin as Nikki interrupted with her third fart right into her mouth. "Oops, sorry Caitlin, that must have taste pretty rank" said Nikki, laughing. "Nah, it's all good. I'm going to get you back anyway" she said, giggling. "Heh, I'm sure you will. Now, what'd I get?" replied Nikki. "Counting the sneak attack factor, all 8's from me." "Yeah, it's the same for me" said Jude. "Nice, let me help you up then" said Nikki as she helped Caitlin up.

As Nikki took her place on the floor then, she said, "All right Caitlin, let's see what you got" as the blond teen squatted over Nikki and Jude in her blue skirt. "Okay, here it goes. FAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTT" as Caitlin impressed everyone with her Jude-like fart. "Holy crap, Caitlin, that really reeks. All 10's for me; that was impressive" said Nikki. "That was an awesome fart bra, all 10's for me too" replied Jude. "Thanks, guys. PPPPPPPPPPPPPBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTT, there's another good one for you." "Oh God, again 10's, jeez" said Nikki, coughing at the horrible smell. Jude, now of course used to the stench, replied "Just as good this time too dudette, all 10's." "Haha, thanks guys, All that food must have made me really gassy, PBBBBBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTTTTTT. Oops, there's my third one." Coughing harder now, Nikki said, "Nice, Caitlin. You certainly got me back; all 9's." "Yeah, me too bra; you're just as good as me" replied Jude, lazily smiling. "Aww, thanks Jude. Let me help you up" replied Caitlin as she helped the slightly dazed and confused Jude to his feet.

"Alright, dudes. It's my turn. PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPBBBBBBTTTTT" as Jude ripped yet another massive fart right into the girl's faces. Coughing and gagging, Nikki managed to say, "Alright, Jude, enough; you and Caitlin are advancing. Just please stop, please!" "Sorry dudes, I gotta fart three more times. Those are the rules. PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPBBBBBBTTTTT, PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPBBBBBBTTTTT " as Jude farted two more times, the girls fighting the urge to vomit right there and then. "Ah, I feel a lot better now" said Jude as he finally stood up, the girls desperately holding in any urge to do something drastic. "Alright, ladies and gentlemen, we have our two finalists, me and Caitlin Cooke. Let the final round commence!" "Hold on, Jude. Let us get some fresh air, jeez" said Caitlin as she and the rest of the group went outside to get some fresh air and recover from Jude's farting.

After returning, Caitlin and Jude had a coin flip to see who would go first. Jude won and Caitlin lay down as she prepared for the final assault on her olfactory. "Alright dudes, final round, let's go" said Jude, squatting over Caitlin. PPPPBBBTTTT! "Oh, wow, that was small" said Jude. "Yeah, Jude, I'm actually gonna have to give that like all 5's. Sorry, Jude" replied Caitlin. "Oh, well, I guess after what happened before; I can't seem to get any good ones out. Let me try again, PBBBBBBBT, PBBBBBBBBBT" as Jude farted weakly twice. "Wow, I guess I just can't fart anymore" said Jude, almost sadly. "Anyway, I guess it's your turn, Caitlin. You got three shots, make 'em count" said Jude as he got up, helping Caitlin as well.

"Alright then," said Caitlin, squatting down for the final time solely over Jude's face, "here goes nothing" as Caitlin arched her back, squinted her eyes and farted. PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPBBBBBBTTTT! Jude, now inhaling the smell, smiled and said, "I think we have ourselves a winner, folks." "Wow, really. I won?" replied Caitlin, shocked she had beaten Jude. "Most definitely, bra. You blew me away this round. That last fart was awesome" said Jude, happily pleased as Caitlin let him up. "So, ladies and gentlemen, for the first annual Jude Lizowski Farting Contest, we have ourselves a winner, CAITLIN COOKE!" said Jude, raising Caitlin's hand in triumphant. As the gang gave her a somewhat muted round of applause, surprised that a girl like Caitlin had won, she asked "So, what did I win, exactly?" "Well, first you won 10 bucks from each of us, so everyone pony up your cash for the champion here" said Jude as he and the rest of the gang pulled out their wallets, some more quickly than others ("C'mon, Jonesy"), giving Caitlin her prize money. "Second, and 'worst' of all, since you won, proving you are the best farter in this group. You get to fart in our faces anytime you want for the next month, the 'ultimate humiliation', I suppose." "You _suppose_?" replied Nikki. "I'd say that's pretty humiliating." "For you guys I guess maybe, but for me, it's not that bad" replied Jude.

"Haha, that's neat. I actually feel some farts coming on now, actually. So, who'll be my first victim?" said Caitlin, slyly. Everyone immediately started waving their hands in front of their faces, signifying, "Not me! Anyone but me!" "Hmm, I choose…Jonesy" said Caitlin, giggling as everyone else sighed in relief. "Oh, God-, alright. What's the worse she can do?" said Jonesy, reluctantly nonchalant. As he laid down, Caitlin squatted oh so close to his face, her blue skirt clad butt right against it. "Ooh, here comes the first couple, PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPBBBBBBTTTT, PPPPPPPPPPBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTTTTT" as Caitlin ripped two long, bassy sounding farts. "Oh Jesus, Caitlin. Why?" moaned Jonesy. "Because I can and it's fun, that's why. C'mon, Jonesy. You can't take my farts?" said Caitlin playfully. "No, I just…didn't think your farts would be so big." "Oh, okay. Anyway, I'm done for now. Thanks Jonesy" said Caitlin as she got up. "Alright, guys. I officially declare this contest over!" said Jude. "It was fun, right guys?" "Yeah, I guess" replied Jen. "It was fun farting in your face too." "Yeah, usually Jonesy's the one that does that" said Nikki, coyly. "Hey, it's true. What can I say?" said Jonesy grinning. "Anyway, I hope you guys had a good time. It was fun. Now, who's up for some ice cream?" said Jude. "Uhhh" as the rest of the gang groaned.


End file.
